My Immortal
by Invisible Sun
Summary: "These wounds won't seem to heal/ This pain is just too real/ There's just too much that time cannot erase." *tissue warning*


****

My Immortal

by Invisible Sun

****

Disclaimer: Joss and Co. own Buffy and Spike, etc. Evanescence owns the song 'My Immortal.' Beautiful song, by the way.

****

Keywords: angst, S/B, character death, Spike POV

****

Rating: PG

****

Spoilers: not really any I can think of

****

Summary: "These wounds won't seem to heal/ This pain is just too real/ There's just too much that time cannot erase." *tissue warning*

************************

__

I'm so tired of being here

Suppressed by all of my childish fears

And if you have to leave

I wish that you would just leave

Because your presence still lingers here

And it won't leave me alone

How can I even begin? It's been...one hundred years.

One hundred years...

God, she's been gone for one hundred years. How can that be? How can a century pass, but every time I think about it, it feels like only yesterday?

********

__

These wounds won't seem to heal

This pain is just too real

There's just too much that time cannot erase

********

You know how everyone tells you to 'buck up' and that 'time heals all wounds?' It's a damn lie. And I know it.

God, don't I know it.

It happened only five short years after she fought back The First. She won the fight she was told she wouldn't win. Couldn't win. Fought like a warrior.

My Slayer.

My love.

It only took her a month after that to tell me she loved me.

She loved me.

Buffy Summers loved me.

********

__

When you cried, I'd wipe away all of your tears

When you'd scream, I'd fight away all of your fears

And I've held your hand through all of these years

But you still have all of me

********

We were together ever since that day. For five years.

Five short years.

It started on the fourth year.

Headaches....migraines.

I was concerned, but she brushed it aside, claiming they were brought on by stress because of her job. Because of slaying.

But they never went away. They got worse...and were soon accompanied by nosebleeds and common losses of conscienous. 

The doctor told her it was a nasopharyngeal mass. 

But my Victorian mind couldn't wrap itself around the technical terms. It only heard those words that followed...

"Cancer..."

"Inoperable..."

"One year left..."

Buffy was dying.

The greatest Slayer to ever walk the planet wasn't going to die by vampires of gak demons, or The First...

The greatest Slayer wasn't going to die in the middle of a great battle, go out with a bang. Fightin' the fight.

No. The greatest Slayer was told that she was going to die slowly. Painfully.

And there was nothing that could be done...

That night, I remember not a demon in Sunnydale was safe as I ran rampant, trying to keep the emotions at bay. But I broke. I broke down where her grave once stood before her friends brought her back.

Where her grave now stands once again.

I watched as the disease slowly ravaged her.

Making her weaker and weaker.

But she never failed to give me a smile everyday despite the pain. She wouldn't allow it to destroy her spirit. 

I stayed by her side the whole time. Holding her hand. And when I should have been her anchor, she was mine.

I broke down so many times by her bed, I lost count. But she wiped away all of my tears.

********

__

You used to captivate me

By your resonating light

But now I'm bound by the life you left behind

Your face haunts my once pleasant dreams

Your voice it chased away all the sanity in me

********

She died on a beautiful spring morning when she should have been outside, listening to the birds singing, enjoying the sunlight on her face. It was quiet. Oh, so quiet when she left the world. Me.

But it felt like she never left. Everywhere I felt her presence. And it was driving me insane. And I felt it was my duty to continue her job. I had to. It was the only thing that kept me clinging to that final shred of sanity I had.

I don't know how I made it this far without her. 

********

__

I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone

And though you're still with me

I've been alone all along

********

And now, one hundred years later, I'm here, looking down upon her grave. It's been so hard. So hard without her. So hard watching Dawn and her friends grow old and die. After Dawn died, I was utterly alone. And that's why I made my way here.

I'm tired.

I can't do this anymore.

Not without her.

I need her.

God, don't I need her.

Looking up, I can see the night sky lightening. It's almost time. I'm ready. I'm no longer afraid. No longer afraid that I won't see her on the Other Side. I may I may not. But I can no longer do this. In this world. It's too much.

I'm alone.

I kneel down in front of her grave, reaching out to trace the letters on the granite. They are hardly noticeable, with the stone weathered after a century of neglect. I close my eyes and smile as I feel the sun on my face for the first time in centuries.

****

The End.

****

A/N: I know. A little on the depressing side...


End file.
